Dear Tiger, (An Open Letter to Tiger Woods)

Dear Tiger,

I look forward to seeing you soon. Below, please see our itinerary.

(1) I know you’ve been through a whirlwind the last 5 years.  So first, we’re going to go on 5 amusement park rides, including the merry-go-round.  We’ll wave to people and throw rings at the clown’s mouth.  If you get one in, we have plenty of time to go on the ride again.  I’m also game for Rockin’ Rollercoaster and Spiderman, but the other 4 choices are up to you.

(2) I know the microscope has been on you, your golf and your life.  So next, we’re going to go to the science museum.  We’re going to look at the animals, and watch their daily habits and examine their lives.  We’ll talk to the parrots and watch a documentary on shooting stars.  I wouldn’t mind catching the Shamu dolphin show; of course we’re sitting in the Splash Zone.

(3) Next, we will have lunch.  We’re going to eat with your kids, and they are going to pick out what they think you’ll like the most.  And, we’re eating backwards (dessert and then lunch).  No napkins or utensils, I don’t care if the kids or you spill a slushie today (the environment is important).

(4) The afternoon is for golf.  We’re going to play cross-country golf and you can invite 2 other friends.  Only rule here is you must tell a joke or take a funny face selfie before you hit each shot.  After each shot, you will give commentary on the shot using the voice of a cartoon character (you may also choose to walk like Daffy Duck, but that’s if you choose him).

(5) Next session, we’ll dial in on carry distances with your wedge shots.  We ‘ll have three stock distance shots for each wedge (Mini Mouse, Tigger and the Hulk). But that’s next time.  Because today, we’re going to play the game of golf with joy.


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